No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
