I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
