I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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