dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
