is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
