I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
