So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
