do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize