After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
