Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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