i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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