i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
