I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
