You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
