Apparently you make a good broom.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
