the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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