if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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