escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
