Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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