Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
