Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
