I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
