no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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