He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
