Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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