We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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