I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
