3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
