Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's like iHOP with fire
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
