I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
