I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Terrible idea I love it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
