I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i've created a new STD.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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