when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
