I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
