She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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