when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
