I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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