I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
