This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
