I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
two words: eviction party
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
