her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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