TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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