Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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