You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
