I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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