I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
