The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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