That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
