Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
