Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
