pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
