Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
