Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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