Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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