Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize