so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
