I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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