saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
