mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
