Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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