is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
