This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
