I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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