i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
