I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
